Americans Are Lonelier Than Ever. Why?
COVID-19 has accelerated many trends: remote work, e-commerce, the geographic reshuffling of wealth — but perhaps most concerning is its impact on loneliness.
Americans of all ages are lonelier than ever and a return to normal life post-vaccine won’t be a panacea.
The big question isn’t why are we so lonely? — though we’ll start by answering it. It’s: How do we restructure modern life around community without sacrificing the individual?
This is part of a series on loneliness in America.
36% of Americans Are Lonely “Frequently” or “All The Time”
Chances are, you’re experiencing it too. Whether you suffer from bouts of loneliness or know someone who does, you are far from alone. It’s no secret that COVID-19 has been isolating for both those living with others and those living alone.
Lonelines figures are higher among Gen Z and Millennials: 61% of those between the ages of 18 and 25 report strong feelings of loneliness.
The latest findings on COVID-19 loneliness:
- 36% of Americans surveyed responded that they felt lonely “almost all the time” or “frequently” during the previous four weeks (study from October 2020). That’s a 10% increase from pre-pandemic figures.
- Loneliness is more common among young people: 61% of responders between 18 and 25 years old reported feeling very lonely.
- 51% of mothers of young children reported strong feelings of loneliness.
- A study conducted through social media surveys found that 80% of young adult responders experienced depressive symptoms during COVID-19; 61% experienced anxiety symptoms.
#2 Loneliness Is Dangerous
Loneliness is terrible for our physical health, too. It’s no coincidence that alcohol sales soared during initial March 2020 quarantines.
- 30% of young adult responders reported harmful levels of drinking during COVID-19, per the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs.
- Of the 22% who reported drug use, 38% disclosed what is categorized as severe drug use.
The COVID-19 pandemic has also lead to increased mental health-related emergency room visits.
According to a study of approximately 190 million emergency room visits, there were increases in suicide attempts, drug overdoses, domestic violence, child abuse, and mental health-related trips in 2020 compared to the same period in 2019.
Suggested Reading: A Practical Guide to Reducing Loneliness
Isolation May Actually Shorten Your Lifespan
Though the pandemic’s impact on mental health is hard to quantify, the costs of long-term loneliness are well-documented — and chilling. As put forth by Dr. Vivek H. Murthy in the Harvard Business Review:
“Loneliness and weak social connections are associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day and even greater than that associated with obesity.”
#3 Demand for Mental Health Professionals Has Never Been Higher
According to industry numbers (and my therapist), mental health professionals are booked solid.
74% of therapists are seeing an increase in anxiety disorders; 60% say they’re seeing more people with depressive disorders, according to a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association.
#4 We Were Lonely Long Before COVID-19
COVID-19 has accelerated trends that we would have encountered 5 or 10 years from now. One of these is what’s being called the loneliness epidemic.
Loneliness was attracting media attention before any of us had heard of SARS-CoV-2. According to a 2018 study conducted by Cigna, a health services company, 46% of Americans reported feeling alone and 47% reported feeling left out. Figures are higher for younger adults — especially for Gen Z.
The question remains: Why are we so much lonelier than previous generations? And what can we — as individuals and communities — do about it?
#1 More Americans Live Alone Than Ever.
Close to 40 million Americans live alone. In Canada, the number of single-person households eclipsed that of couples with children in 2013 for the first time in history.
Even the way we build houses and neighborhoods contributes to loneliness: McMansions and suburbs keep people apart — even under the same roof or on the same block.
Though feeling lonely in a room full of people is common, too, research suggests that living alone can increase social isolation and even have health impacts.
Specifically, it can increase inflammation, stress hormones, unusual sleeping patterns, and even the risk of heart disease.
Living with others often translates to more social interactions, healthier behavior, and can even increase your lifespan. Living with roommates can be annoying, but they may help you live longer and be happier.
#2 Fewer People Are Getting Married.
Though getting married for marriage’s sake is a terrible idea — just look at the global rise in domestic violence during COVID-19 — marriage decreases the likelihood of loneliness.
Marriage is especially likely to help men feel less lonely.
It is also associated with an increase in perceived financial and physical health, according to a study published in the medical journal Sociological Perspectives.
There are benefits to singlehood during the pandemic such as having your own workspace and avoiding pandemic parenting. However, research suggests that marriage has helped with loneliness during COVID-19 (though not for parents with small children).
There are three times in life when Americans are most likely to feel lonely: In their late 20s, 50s, and 80s. This may be due to the pressure to couple up, discovering health issues, and the isolation of old age.
It also makes sense that the higher the feeling of commitment, the less likely the couple will experience frequent loneliness.
#3 Remote Work Can Lead to Loneliness.
Not only are Americans more likely than ever to be single and living alone, but — surprise, surprise — remote work can lead to increased feelings of loneliness.
As remote work is a relatively new phenomenon, research on its impacts on mental health is limited. However, anecdotes of loneliness due to the loss of social connection in office settings abound.
The office has long been a source of friendship and a way to find potential partners for decades. The percentage of couples who meet through friends has sharply declined since 2009 thanks to online dating — but there lacks an equally compelling alternative for making friends in 2021.
#4 Yes, Social Media Is Making You Lonely.
Though looking at pictures of people may seem like a quick fix for loneliness, social media use is actually connected to an increased feeling of isolation. This may be because social media offers an inauthentic depiction of “reality” without emotions like loneliness and sadness.
“Lonely people express a preference for using the Internet for social interaction and are more likely to use the Internet in a way that displaces time spent in offline social activities.”
The study “Loneliness and Social Internet Use: Pathways to Reconnection in a Digital World,” found that social media use is common among lonely people and can even displace real world time. As in-person interactions become increasingly possible, will people be able to stop scrolling?
Limiting social media use to 30 minutes daily has the potential to reduce depression and loneliness, per a study conducted at The University of Pennsylvania.
Though social media is a far cry from in-person human interaction, some may be worse for us than others.
Specifically, those that encourage inauthentic presentations of ourselves (ahem, Instagram) are undoubtedly worse for us — no matter whether you’re posting or scrolling past someone else’s curated posts.
#5 We Move. A Lot.
The average American will move 11 times in their life. This is considerably higher than other Wester nations: In Europe, the average person moves 4 times.
In many ways, the desire to move is part of our national identity. Indeed, most Americans’ ancestors came from somewhere else. Today, manifest destiny — the idea that white American settlers are meant to go West in search of freedom and prosperity — remains part of the zeitgiest.
Between 1998 and 2013, a little over half of domestic moves were for work-related reasons.
As more and more jobs shift to remote work, opportunities to stay in one place and focus on community arise. Though remote work may seem alienating by default, it doesn’t have to be.
#6 Working Longer Hours Means Less Social Time.
Americans have been putting in longer and longer hours since the 1970s, research shows.
During COVID-19, the average workday became 48 minutes longer.
Europeans have 4 weeks more of vacation than Americans at a minimum. On top of that, more than half of Americans don’t use all their paid vacation days, according to a survey.
The longer hours people work, the more disconnected they are from their communities, the more they feel the need to fill the void, working longer hours. And so the cycle continues.
#7 Church Attendance Is Falling and Young People Lack Replacement Community Centers.
For the first time in U.S. history, church/synagogue/mosque membership fell to 47%. For centuries, religious institutions have served as our community centers (and alienated those outside of them in the process).
Less than half of Americans are members of churches, synagogues and mosques for the first time in U.S. history.
Today, only 49% millennials self describe as Christian, compared to 76% of baby boomers, according to Pew Research Center data.
As a result, millennials and Gen Z are need to reestablish community elsewhere. That has manifested in more coffee shops, outdoor recreation, and the local movement — though we have a long way to go.
#8 We Value Individualism at the Price of Community
The epidemic of loneliness is a well-discussed topic in the West and Japan for a reason: Western and Japanese cultures de-emphasize community in the way that many Asian cultures do not.
Painting with a broad brush, Eastern and Western people relate to their communities in profoundly different ways. People tend to be collectivist in the East and individualist in the West.
There are major emotional benefits to prioritizing community — despite what Clint Eastwood movies suggest.
Eastern collectivism vs Western individualism predates the Communist Party and other East vs. West dichotomies. Many attribute it to crops historically farmed in certain regions: Rice requires irrigation and twice as much labor per hectare as wheat, meaning that collaboration was required for survival in rice-growing societies.
Today, historic rice cultivating regions still tend toward collectivism.
Collectivism Doesn’t Mean That Everyone Is Friends
Collectivism is about one’s duty to the community — not just family and close friends. In fact, people living in collectivist societies report fewer close friends but a greater sense of community.
The same research also suggests that collectivist communities in China anticipate more competition between members and report higher “vigilance” towards disingenuous members of the community.
Friends in China are much more likely to support someone telling their friend to break up with a partner than Westerners.
Collectivism does not mean being nice to everyone at the expense of truth or competition.
Are Collectivists Less Lonely?
According to research, no. But the reason for loneliness is collectivist cultures is different: People in collectivist societies cite loneliness when disconnected with family whereas members of individualist societies attribute it to a lack of friends/communal connectivity.
Neither approach is a safeguard against individual loneliness.
We’re All Lonely. Now What?
Rugged individualism is so engrained in American society that most don’t know where to start when to comes to community building. Though the solutions to building community must be, by nature, communal, the only way you may be able to exert change is by changing small, individual behaviors.
Like many things, having the vulnerability to acknowledge loneliness is the first step — though far from enough. The second is taking community into account when building your life. From big decisions — living in a city helps forster a sense of community — to small — knowing six neighbors reduces loneliness — you are far from powerless when it comes to reducing isolation.
Though, by definition, it may feel like you are alone, over 36% of Americans (or more if you’re Gen Z or Millennial) feel like you do. Start by putting down your phone and leaving space in your life for people.
